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8 Funny Random Tweets

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1

funny tweets
nothing is better than spending an entire morning staring into my baby daughters eyes, whispering, i cant do this.

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love
2
2

tweets
1300s : im dying from the black plague 

1800s : im 9 and working in a factory 

1900s : im off to fight in a war 

2000s : im offended 

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love
1
3

relationship tweets
wife: im making veggie burgers.

me: ok [pick up the phone]

wife: who are you calling?

me: florist 

wife: why? 

Me: i've obviously wronged you somehow. 

Submitted by
love
1
4

memes
Roses are red 

violets are blue

its the middle of february

and i dont have time for you 

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love
1
5

[at dinner]

Daughter, Daddy how much of this meatballs is meat?

Me:Probably like 90%

D: so its 10% balls?

me: spits out food

Submitted by
love
2
6

Wife: someone invented a laundry folding machine

me: i already have one of those its called a w

wife: death glare

me: its called me 

Submitted by
love
1
7

if you drink the blue liquid from the magic 8 ball, you can see the future, trust me, my friend keith did once and said he was going to die and then he did. 

Submitted by
love
1
8

Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious 

Submitted by
love
0

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